A New York Times article, “How to Ask if Everything Is OK When It’s Clearly Not,” suggests ways to offer compassion. Here are Anna Goldfarb’s recommendations:

• Check for signs of distress: moodiness, unkempt appearance

• Check yourself first: Are you in a good place to engage?

• Be specific about your observations: What behavior could indicate a problem?

• Ask general or specific questions, depending on your relationship:

  • “Is anything on your mind?” or

  • “How are your kids adjusting to so many changes at school?”

• Or just make a statement: “I’m wondering how you are.”

• Talk about your own challenges; be vulnerable

• Just listen; you don’t have to solve anyone else’s problem

• Set a time to follow up

This article reminds me a model for appraising whether we offer compassion. This version is in Building Leadership Character, adapted from Jennifer Goetz, whose article was published in Psychological Bulletin.

Discussion:

• How comfortable would you feel engaging someone in this way during the pandemic? What might prevent you from doing so?

• Think of a time when you offered someone compassion. How does the appraisal model apply? How about a time when you didn’t offer someone compassion?