Tobacco Free New York Radio Ads

Last month, CVS announced the decision to stop selling tobacco products in its stores. In the past week, this ad has been running on Ithaca radio stations. 

On the Tobacco Free New York website, we see communications for other campaigns since 2010:

Discussion Starters:

  • Take a look at the video about how tobacco companies sponsor community events. Do you consider their approach ethical? Use the ethical decision-making guidelines in Chapter 1 to formulate your argument.
  • The ad, above, mentions that some drugstores have stopped selling tobacco products, but it doesn't name CVS. Why?
  • What's the punctuation error in "Tobacco Free New York"? Is this a good choice for the organization's name?

Mary Barra's Video Message to GM Employees

As communication experts question GM's "no comment" strategy with the press, CEO Mary Barra continues her communication with employees. In a four-minute video, Barra addresses what a New York Times article calls "a decade-long failure to fix a defect tied to 12 deaths."

While people and companies are increasingly criticized for false apologies, Barra tries to go beyond a simple apology: "We have apologized, but that is only one step in the journey to resolve this." Of course, the company has little choice considering the federal investigations; it must take more action.

The video complements an intranet post for employees on March 4 that outlined GM's investigation plans and expressed confidence in the future.

Discussion Starters:

  • Assess Barra's video. What works well, and what could be improved in the organization, content, and delivery?
  • What key messages do you take from the video? How do they compare to Barra's message to employees on March 4?
  • Why is Barra choosing employee messages as her primary communication vehicle? She has declined interviews with the press. On the other hand, the video is public on GM's website and YouTube. What's her strategy?

A Handwritten Job Ad

Advertising agency Solve has a new-and old-way of inviting interns to apply for jobs. In a handwritten letter posted around college campuses, Solve asks interns to submit a traditional cover letter and resume by mail. Emphasizing "genuine connections" and a "personal, straightforward" approach, the agency describes its rationale:

"Valuing substance over silliness, Solve refuses to ask candidates to condense resumes into 140 characters, present themselves via fake campaign or funny videos, or answer irrelevant nonsensical questions. Rather, Solve is simply asking for a resume and cover letter…to be sent (via mail) to the agency."

Solve 2

Discussion Starters:

  • What's your view of the agency's campaign: refreshing, as gimmicky as a tweet, or something else?
  • I'm having trouble reading the letter. Is it just me?
  • The letter asks prospective interns to mail in their cover letter and resume. Would you submit something typed or handwritten?
  • The letter has a fairly major grammatical error. Can you find it?

Meetup Communicates About Outage

meetup-logo-v2-2x.png

Meetup's website was down for a while, frustrating users. CEO Scott Heiferman communicated well during the outage with two emails. In both, he emphasizes that user information was not compromised-a likely question that users might have.

 
Meetup    
 
 

Meetup Organizers around the world,

You may have had trouble accessing Meetup's site or apps over the past few days, and you may have heard that Meetup has suffered a massive attack on our servers - a DDoS attack, which is a barrage of traffic intended to make services unavailable. Organizer and member data is secure, including credit card information. No data has been accessed or stolen. (See our blog for all the details on the attack and our response.)

This has been a tough few days for Meetup, and I know it's been a real struggle for many of you to manage your Meetups while our site and apps were down. You should know that we're listening to your questions and concerns and that you can count on meetup to be stable and reliable soon, to bring back all features, and to minimize the effects of the service outages.

Thanks for everything you do to create community,

Scott Heiferman,
Co-Founder
and CEO, Meetup

 
Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or our blog for continuous updates.

Meetup Inc., POB 4668 #37895
New York, NY, USA 10163

 

Hello Meetup Members,

You may have had trouble accessing Meetup in the past week, and you may have heard that we were hit by a massive attack on our servers - a DDoS attack, which is a barrage of traffic intended to make services unavailable.

I'm happy to report that Meetup is up and running! And no personal data was accessed or stolen. (For more info, here are details on the attack and answers to your FAQs.)

It was amazing to see how many people were rooting for Meetup. We're excited to see you discover what's going on, find your people, and create community like never before.

Here's what you may have missed:

Upcoming Meetups

Recommended Meetup Groups

You can also download our iOS app or Android app for a super easy way to see local Meetups!

Scott Heiferman,
Co-Founder and CEO, Meetup

Discussion Starters:

  • Analyze Heiferman's two emails: the organization, content, writing style, and mechanics. What works well, and what would you suggest he change?
  • Why might users worry about their personal information? Did Heiferman overstate the concern or address it well?
  • In both emails, Heiferman includes the difficulty this has caused Meetup as an organization. What do you think of his including the organization's perspective in this way? Does it enhance his

SeaWorld PR in Full Swing (Spin)

BlackfishAt least one reporter thinks the SeaWorld PR machine should take a rest. SeaWorld took a big reputation hit when more than 21 million people watched Blackfish, a documentary claiming that orca whales suffer in captivity, in some cases causing injury and death to trainers who work at the park.

Now, five months after the movie aired, SeaWorld submitted a complaint to the Labor Department, questioning the ethics of an investigator cited in the film. Calling the move "bizarre PR," Yahoo writer Jeff Macke said, "The complaint put SeaWorld and the documentary on the front page of the N.Y. Times business section; exactly where the company doesn't want it to be."

SeaWorld's strategy seems to be a continuation of its approach from last July, which a New York Times writer described:

"SeaWorld, advised by the communications firm 42West, which is better known for promoting films than punching back at them, is taking the opposite approach. By midweek, the company was providing top executives and animal caretakers for interviews about the movie and its purported flaws.

"It was also deliberating possible further moves, which might conceivably include informational advertising, a Web-based countercampaign or perhaps a request for some sort of access to CNN, which picked up television rights to 'Blackfish' through its CNN Films unit and plans to broadcast the movie on Oct. 24."

On its website, SeaWorld writes the "Truth About Blackfish," which the company calls "propaganda, not a documentary":

"We object to Blackfish because its two central premises are wrong: (1) that life at SeaWorld is harmful for killer whales and for trainers working with these animals, and (2) that SeaWorld has attempted to cover up the facts surrounding the tragic death of trainer Dawn Brancheau in 2010, as well the history of Tilikum, the killer whale involved in that accident.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

"To make these ultimately false and misleading points, the film conveys falsehoods, manipulates viewers emotionally, and relies on questionable filmmaking techniques to create 'facts' that support its point of view." (continue reading)

The post then describes several areas the company considers false or misleading.

Discussion Starters: 

  • What's your view? Do you agree with the Yahoo writer's assessment of SeaWorld's PR approach?
  • Assess SeaWorld's criticism of the movie. Which are the strongest points, and which are the weakest? How, if at all, does this article affect your perception of Blackfish?

"Milk Life" Replaces "Got Milk?"

MilkLife2After 21 years of success, the "Got Milk?" slogan is being replaced by "Milk Life." The original campaign started in 2013 and was best known for its celebrities sporting a milk mustache. Now, the Milk Processor Education Program is updating the slogan and producing new ads to address declining milk sales.

On a new website, the campaign features images of active people and milk-based products. A theme seems to be "8 grams of protein," and a new video, below, shows people being powered by milk as a windmill and parachute. The campaign emphasizes drinking milk in the morning to get the "power of protein."

Earlier phrases, such as "it does the body good," have fallen out of favor. According to one of the advertising executives who worked on the campaign, "It reminds them of why they didn't want to drink it in the first place."

Discussion Starters:

  • Who do you think is the target market for this campaign?
  • Assess the current campaign: look at the website photos, text, and images. What works well, and what could be improved?
  • The AdAge article discusses non-dairy products, such as soy and almond milk. How does this campaign stack up to the competitors' messaging?

Register.com's Obvious Sales Letter

Do people fall for the free "consultation" companies offer? Register.com sent an email to me with the subject, "Account Notice: Schedule Your Consultation."

With a thinly veiled sales strategy, the email promised a "Complimentary Business Consultation and Evaluation" in a graphical invitation:

Register

The body of the message futher explained the "offer":

Dear Amy,

You've been selected for a free 30-Minute Business Consultation with one of our Web Experts. This consultation is your chance to get tips and recommendations on how to improve any aspect of your businesses' online presence from one of our top Web Consultants.

Your Consultant will work with you to ensure your business is optimized for success utilizing their extensive experience and knowledge in website development, search engine marketing, social media, mobile advertising and more.

Call 844-282-2290 for your complimentary consultation.

When you click on the invitation within the email, you get a page on registerpromotion.com that explains Register's services beyond hosting: customizing a website, improving search engine optimization, and increasing "Facebook presence."

Discussion Starters:

  • What makes Register.com's message so obviously a sales tactic?
  • What types of people would respond to Register's "offer"? What do you think they expect when they do respond?
  • Am I over-reacting? So what if it's a sales tactic? Maybe it's obvious to people, and the services are useful.

Ad Campaign: "I Wish I Had Breast Cancer"

A new advertising campaign from the Pancreatic Cancer Action, a British organization, has caused an uproar. 

The marketers knew what they were doing: planning for outrage, Founder Ali Stunt introduced the campaign in a website post, "No Cancer Advert That Saves a Single Life Can Be Accused of Going Too Far":

"I  want to remind all those that read this blog post that today 160 women will find out they have breast cancer, eight women will find out they have cervical cancer and seven men will be diagnosed with testicular cancer.  It is vital that everyone finds out about the signs and symptoms of these cancers too.  Please find the relevant charity details below.

"Today sees the launch of the UK's very first awareness advertising campaign for pancreatic cancer, which is being shown on the London Underground stations and tube cars as well as in London and Manchester newspapers such as the Metro and Evening Standard." (Read more.)

This post includes survival rates for cancers, with pancreatic at a sad 3%:Cancer stats

Criticism of the campaign has been harsh, including this retort on the site IHateBreastCancer.com

"Oh boy. Because obviously the best way to call attention to one disease is at the expense of another.

"There's just one problem. Breast cancer is a like a fat man wearing a Hawaiian shirt: It covers a lot of ground. If you're going to wish for breast cancer, make sure you put in a special request for the non-metastatic kind. Because in 2014, there is no cure for metastatic breast cancer. The median survival rate is surely not as good as the Pancreatic Action Network  seems to think it is. In general, breast cancer survival figures don't necessarily represent significant gains, as they are distorted by the over diagnosis of Stage I breast cancers, which have increased five-fold since the advent of mammography in the 1980s.

"Also, our research situation is much like yours: it sucks. Metastatic breast cancer is responsible for 90 percent of the morbidity and mortality, but gets less than 5 percent of the research budget."

Pancreatic Cancer Action stands by its campaign. On its website, it posted a video with interviews about the approach."

Discussion Starters: 

  • What's your view of the ad campaign: appropriate for the cause, insulting, or something else? 
  • Watch the Pancreatic Cancer Action organization's video about its approach. Do you find this response convincing ? 

"Whitest" Valentine's Day Ads Ever

Vice.com criticized FTD for producing stereotypical, white-only ads for Valentine's Day:

"Besides jewelers, the other big early February advertisers are of course flower-delivery companies. The biggest-Florists' Transworld Delivery-just released four new commercials, all featuring generic, white, hetero, annoying-as-humanly-possible actor-couples."

In four videos, FTD's ad agency Epsilon Chicago portrays couples arguing. 

AdWeek also criticized the ads:

"These ads don't bite-they're amusing and well acted-but they do feel dated. The rhythm and style recall late-'90s/early-'00s sitcoms, with bird-brained guys and whiny women over-obsessing about their relationship woes. And why do we get youngish white hetero couples each time?"

The Vice.com article was particularly critical of the ad agency:

"Be thankful, Hispanics, African Americans, and Gays, who you are not in FTD's target demo. Because those scripts written by the white hack copywriters from the very white Chicago ad agency Epsilon would have been wincingly awkward, and probably racist."

Discussion Starters:

  • With same-sex marriage winning popularity across the country and the population becoming increasing non-white, why would FTD focus only on white straight couples?
  • Do you agree with Vice.com's concern that attempts for diversity would fail? Is it better to just play it safe? What are the other options?

Sands Casino Struggles to Recapture Website

Sands Casino's email and websites were hacked on Monday, and they're still down four days later. Sites in the U.S. and Asia, including Venetian Las Vegas and Palazzo, were affected by the invasion, which the FBI and Secret Service are investigating. 

In place of the company websites, hackers posted employees' names, email addresses, and social security numbers; however, officials say that no customer information was compromised. The hacking may be in response to Sands CEO Sheldon Adelson's support of Israel. One posted image shows Adelson pictured with Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu-and flames instead of hotel pictures around the world.

Sands' Hacked Website

In a statement, a Sands spokesperson said, "While we have been able to confirm that certain core operating systems were not impacted by the hacking, the company remains focused on working through a step-by-step process to ascertain what, if any, additional systems may have been impacted."

In the meantime, the company has this image posted on its home page:

Sands' Hacked Website2

Image source.

Discussion Starters:

  • Assess Sands' communications: how well is the company keeping people informed in its statement , on its website, and through other communications you find online?
  • What could account for the long time the website has been under someone else's control? How does this happen to an organization?

AOL CEO Addresses Criticism

Like all CEOs, Tim Armstrong of AOL wants to keep health care costs under control. But he seemed to use two employees' "distressed babies" as his rationale for reducing the company's 401(k) program.

The current 401(k) program matches employees' contributions every pay period, but Armstrong announced that the plan would match only at the end of the year. This changed would have affected employees who leave the company before that time; they would receive no company match for the year.

In a town hall meeting with employees, Armstrong explained the rationale as prioritizing the benefits for employees who stay with the company. This makes sense, but his examples offended people:

"We had two AOL-ers that had distressed babies that were born that we paid a million dollars each to make sure those babies were OK in general. And those are the things that add up into our benefits cost."

In an email to employees, Armstrong apologized for his comments: 

AOLers -

We began our journey together in 2009, and for the last four years have had an employee-first culture. As I have said before, the ability to change is a strategic advantage for us.  With benefit costs increasing, we made a strategic, financial decision last year to revise our employee matching 401K program from a per-pay-period contribution to a yearly lump-sum contribution.  We then communicated this decision in the fall through multiple channels to every AOL office in the US.    

The leadership team and I listened to your feedback over the last week.  We heard you on this topic.  And as we discussed the matter over several days, with management and employees, we have decided to change the policy back to a per-pay-period matching contribution.  The Human Resource team will be in contact with all employees over the next week to explain the change and to answer any other benefits related questions you might have.  We are proud to provide AOLers with a robust benefits offering that spans from exceptional healthcare coverage to 401K's to AOL fitness programs and beyond.  On a personal note, I made a mistake and I apologize for my comments last week at the town hall when I mentioned specific healthcare examples in trying to explain our decision making process around our employee benefit programs. 

Thursday we announced an outstanding Q4 and end to our fiscal year.  More importantly, it validated our strategy and the work we have done on it.  AOL is positioned for future growth and our long-term strategy to be one of the world's leading media technology companies.

Now, as we begin 2014, let's keep up our momentum. Thank you for the great 2013 year and for your ongoing passion.  And know that I am a passionate advocate for the AOL family – TA

This isn't the first time Armstrong is backtracking. Last year, he fired someone during an employee conference call that was recorded and went viral.  He later apologized.

Discussion Starters:

  • In what ways are Armstrong's financial concerns and comments understandable? Try to see the situation from his perspective.
  • How could he have described the company's pressures in a different way?
  • Did he make the right decision to retract the 401(k) plan change?
  • How do you assess his email to employees? What works well, and what could be improved?
  • In an interview with CNN Money, Armstrong boasted about being named one of the best places to work for working mothers, saying that AOL offers benefits for people with at-risk pregnancies. Do you think his comments will affect the company's ranking next year?

I'm Sorry, But Our Apologies Have Gone Too Far

Christie newsFirst, we had Bill Clinton, refusing to apologize for the affair that eventually became public. But now everyone seems to be apologizing-no matter how small the offense and no matter how sincere it is. A search of BizCom in the News for "apologize" reveals a whopping 96 stories over 3-1/2 years.

The author of an article in Dealbook, "Calling for an Apology Cease-Fire," complains of "knee-jerk" apologies instead of real apologies: "Saying you're sorry should be a way to get into the difficult process of grappling with authentic change." Current examples of Lance Armstrong and Anthony Weiner fall far short. 

The article points to another recent apologizer, Chris Christie, who apologized for his administration's role in a retaliatory bridge lane closure 30 times in a press conference. Instead, the author encourages authentic apologies that meet these criteria:

  • They must be painful. If an apology doesn't create vulnerability and isn't therapeutically painful, it's not an apology at all.
  • They must be authentic and not an excuse. An apology can't have ulterior motives or be a means to an end.
  • They must probe deep into the personal or organizational values that permitted the offense. Apologizers need to conduct a "moral audit" by looking themselves in the mirror and asking, "How did I get here and how did I drift from the person I aspire to be?"
  • They must encourage feedback from the aggrieved. This includes truly opening up to input and two-way conversation during and after an apology, and embracing ideas as to how to improve.
  • They must turn regret into a real change in behavior. The new behaviors they elicit must be continuing, reinforced by a sustained investment in avoiding the same mistakes in the future.

Whether Chris Christie's apology meets these criteria remains to be seen.

Discussion Starters:

  • What would convince you that Christie's apology is authentic according to the author's criteria?
  • In what ways did Lance Armstrong's and Anthony Weiner's apologies fall short?
  • What, if anything, would you add to the criteria list?

Royal Caribbean Addresses Illnesses

Depending on what you read, between 600 and 1,000 people were ill on Royal Caribbean's Explorer of the Seas. Speculation about the cause ranged from rough waters to norovirus.

Royal Caribbean seems to be denying the possibility of norovirus, a highly contagious virus spread by infected food, people, or surfaces. In one statement, a spokesperson explained that someone was on a stretcher for a "reason unrelated to norovirus."

In another statement to CBS News, company spokesperson Julie Benson said, "The ship came in early to beat the closure of the port and not because of norovirus." She also said, "We have been really successful at stopping the spread of the norovirus onboard," and "The pattern suggests the illness was brought on board by passengers."

On his Cruise Law News blog, Jim Walker accuses Royal Caribbean of covering up the truth: 

"Ms. Benson, of course, is not an epidemiologist of course. She has no medical or scientific education or training. Princess Cruises didn't fly a team of epidemiologists into the Gulf of Mexico and lower them down from a helicopter to the cruise ship to conduct tests and make a analysis.

"Ms. Benson's comments, in my assessment, are a PR stunt. This is right out of the cruise industry's playbook of how to manage a crisis when a cruise ship sickness epidemic breaks out. Rule number 1: Blame the Passengers!

"Cruise lines like Princess don't want the public to think that their cruise ships or crew members are the problem. To divert attention from the possibility of bad food or contaminated water or sick crew members, the cruise lines point the finger at their customers and accuse them of bring the virus aboard or having poor hygiene.

"But could it be bad hygiene of the crew? The CDC has found crew working while ill before. That's why the public has to rely on the education and experience of the experts and not PR cruise line people.

"Yesterday we wrote that there were passengers sickened during the last cruise. Did the ship clean up the contaminated surfaces and test the food and water after the last puke fest? How many people were sick last week?  Perhaps Princess will tell us? Perhaps not."

The company's PR twitter feed responded to at least one follower:

Royal Caribbean tweet

But the main company twitter feed has been surprisingly quiet, with only one tweet about the ship's status:

Royal Caribbean tweet2

Royal Caribbean did post two stories on its blog acknowledging norovirus but not the cause.

Discussion Starters:

  • Assess Royal Caribbean's communications so far. How well is the company managing this crisis?
  • What do you expect to happen next? What should be Royal Caribbean's next communication?
  • What else should the company be tweeting during this time? Write a few tweets that could have been posted between January 25 and 31?

Graphic Australian PSA: Stay in School (NSFW)

A new public service announcement in Australia is taking a radical approach to encourage kids to stay in school. The ad show kids skipping school, having a good time, until...they blow up. At the end of the 1:46-minute video, we see a sign indicating that the kids were in an "explosives testing site."

This video is very graphic. Watch at your own risk!

The video reminds me of a UK PSA about texting while driving (also NSFW). We see four minutes of fun, and then the crash, the blood, and kids in stretchers carried off in helicopters.

Discussion Starters:

  • Did you watch the PSA? Why or why not? If you did watch it, how did it affect you?
  • How effective do you think the ad would be in discouraging kids from skipping school?
  • Describe the philsophy of using such graphic ads? Why do you think they seem to be more prevalent in countries other than the U.S.?

School Superintendent Apologizes for Botched Delay

LeanderletterA school district in Leander, TX, took too long to announce a delayed opening because of icy weather, and people were upset. By the time parents heard that schools would open two hours late, many of them were already on dangerous roads. Some kids were on buses, one of which skidded off the road. Fortunately, no one was hurt.

Superintendent Bret Champion sent a letter explaining the decision and addressing complaints. Download the letter.

Discussion Starters:

  • Analyze Champion's letter in terms of audience analysis, structure, content, writing style, and so on. What works well, and what could be improved?
  • How well does Champion's letter specifically address concerns of the community?
  • What responsibility does Champion place on parents? What's your response to this approach?

San Franciso Occupy Movement = Kristallnacht?

Tom Perkins, founder of investment firm Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, has apologized for comparing the Occupy movement to Kristallnacht. In a letter titled "Progressive Kristallnacht Coming?" published in the Wall Street Journal, Perkins writes,

"I would call attention to the parallels of Nazi Germany to its war on its 'one percent,' namely its Jews, to the progressive war on the American one percent, namely the 'rich.'"

Perkins

This story reminds me of when, last year, AIG's CEO said that criticism about the company's bonuses is "just as bad" as lynchings in the Deep South.

In an interview with Bloomberg Television, Perkins apologized:

"I'd deeply apologize to you and anyone who has mistaken my reference to Kristallnacht as a sign of overt or latent anti-Semitism. This is not the case."

 

Discussion Starters:

  • In what ways is Perkins' comparison fair, and in what ways is it not?
  • Try to relate to Perkins' frustration. What background information is important for us to understand?
  • How do you assess Perkins' apology in the Bloomberg interview? What is effective, and what could be improved in his message?

OfficeMax Apologizes for Insensitive Letter Address

A promotional letter from OfficeMax identified a customer by name and a line under it: "Daughter Killed in a Car Crash." The Seays' daughter, 17 years old, was killed in a car accident last year, so the information is accurate, but you might imagine how upset the family was to read such an address.

  Officemax-letter

When Seay contacted OfficeMax's call center, a manager denied that he received a letter with that address. Later, OfficeMax told the LA Times that the mistake "is a result of a mailing list rented through a third-party provider," but the company is still trying to sort out how this happened.

At this point, Seay is asking for an apology from the CEO and an explanation of how this happened. He said to the LA Times, "Why do they have that? What do they need that for? How she died, when she died? It's not really personal, but looking at them, it is. That's not something they would ever need."

Discussion Starters:

  • How do you think this happened? Who is responsible?
  • What should OfficeMax do now? Do you think an apology from the CEO is appropriate? One writer noted that no one from the company called the family personally to apologize. Should someone? If so, who?

Nu Skin Addresses Controversy

Nu Skin, a company that develops and sells anti-aging products, such as skin-care treatments and dietary supplements, is under fire for its marketing practices. A Chinese Communist Party paper reported that the company's multilevel marketing strategy is "akin to brainwashing" and likened its bonus practices to that of a pyramid scheme. 

In response, Nu Skin defends its practices and accuses reporters of providing inaccurate information: 

Nu Skin

Since the report, Nu Skin's stock dropped 33%. 

Discussion Starters: 

  • What is a pyramid scheme? How does it differ from multilevel marketing?
  • Analyze Nu Skin's statement. What works well, and what could improve the company's image? 

Pret A Manger Apologizes for Dead Frog in Salad

A Wall Street Journal employee found a dead frog in her Pret a Manger salad. Started in London in 1986, Pret a Manger now operates 335 restaurants, including one on 6th Avenue in New York City, where the frog was found.

Dead frog in salad

When the customer returned the salad, the store manager apologized, refunded her money, and gave her a certificate for a free lunch in the future.

Ellen Roggemann, vice president of brand marketing for the U.S., gave the company's perspective on the situation:

"We don't use any pesticides with our greens and they go through multiple washing cycles. An unfortunate piece of organic matter has made its way through."

Roggemann also said, "We are so regretful that this has happened."

In addition, the company issued this official statement:

"At Pret A Manger, we take issues like this very seriously. Our lettuce is sourced from farms that do not use any pesticides on its produce, therefore organic matter does very rarely manage to pass through our production process. We are currently looking into this issue to make every effort that this does not happen again."

Discussion Starters:

  • Assess Pret A Manger's response-the NYC store's response, Roggemann's comments, and the official company statement. What works well to instill confidence in the products? What could be improved?
  • Rewrite the company's statement: try to make the tone more natural, and correct the punctuation.